Saturday, is usually the one day throughout the week, that I do not cook and we either eat out, or try and finish up any leftovers from the week. So what better day than to write about something else.

Today's post is not so much about food as it is about becoming a mother. My son will be six years old tomorrow and its such a big time of reflection for me. I always knew what kind of mom, I wanted to be but to this day I am not sure that I am her yet. I think back to my pregnancy, and remember I slept through the first trimester, the second trimester I was reading every parenting book, researching on line and being crazy about what was happening with my body. My third trimester which many of you know, was spent mostly in the Long Term Care Pregnancy Unit at Robert Wood Johnson Hospital in New Brunswick, NJ. I wont go into the details of everything that happened to lead me there, but at that point my only goal was to keep my little guy baking as long as possible. At this point I realized what I was actually doing, I was responsible for growing a life inside of me and bringing it into the world. In hindsight it is such a great responsibility that I am not sure until some gives birth they will understand what I mean. I have nothing against or am I speaking against anyone who has not done it for whatever reasons. For me, I just realized the importance of what I was doing and did not take it for granted.

I was 30 years old when Myles came along, part of me was thinking I am late, because I had looked at many of the people I knew and their children were older, and I was the only one that would have an infant and how would that impact my life and friendships. I can say fast forward these past six years, life has been different, I have lost some friends and gained some in the process. Some have become distant but are still there, and of course I have those people that I have known forever and time and space never makes our friendships strained. We can not talk for weeks or even months at a time and pick up right where we left off from. Those are the people I cherish daily.

I delivered Myles at 3:18 am on January 5, 2008 via emergency C-section. It was probably the scariest thing that I had to go through but I knew I had to do it. It was just Sean and I in New Jersey with no family. When the prepped me for my C-section, Sean was not allowed in the OR until I was fully ready. I thank God for my OB at that time, Dr. Ham. She was not my regular but I had been seeing her more frequently since I was in the hospital for so long. I had a flood of emotions while they were giving me my epidural and could not do anything but cry. She provided comfort and reassurance at that point that I would not ever forget. Fast forward I was ready, Myles was delivered 5 weeks to the day early. He was born, with no health issues or any other concerns. He was considered a late term preemie because I did not make it to 36 weeks. Of course I could not hold him, but when they showed him to me, I looked at him and at that moment I realized true love. He stole my heart. I never would have thought you could love another person so much. Many other moms had told me this but I had just experienced it for myself.

Through these six years, he has taught me so many things about myself, he has taught me many things about life and how to be a better person. Being a mom is one of the hardest things in life I will ever have to do in my opinion. No matter what I will always be his mom. I will have to be a friend, a teacher, a disciplinarian, a coach, his encouragement, with a whole list of other things that will come along with it.There are things that he will need to learn from me about women, the example that I set for him will teach him what to expect from other women, what we emulate as a family is very important. One of the lessons I am learning is that children do what they see, not what they are told. So as a mom and wife, I must set the best example I can for him in my womanhood. Some days I am not sure what that is, because I question my own actions sometimes (did I do that right or could I have done that better). I often wonder what does he see when he looks at me. Last night, I moved a chair in his room because he wanted to watch the Smurfs 2. He said "Mommy you always think of the best things" I said "Really" his response was "You are the best mom I could ever have". I then smiled and said "You are the best son I could every have". I may not ever get mom of the year or any other award and I don's need it. My reward is knowing that I am being the best mom to the gift that I was given by God.

So my This & That for today, always be the best at no matter what you do. Always get up the next day and try again. Things are written in all kinds of books as to how we should or should not do things, but you have to figure out what works for you and your family. This is an ongoing effort. What someone else has done may not be the way I am supposed to do it but I can use it as a guide and reference. Like with all of the parenting books I read while pregnant and all of the advice that everyone good and bad gave me. We do what works for our family and make adjustments as necessary. I used to always say my kid would eat whatever I cooked and I would not make two meals and blah blah blah, but what do I do. I make things for him that I know he will eat and hubby and I eat totally different things. Again, some people my frown even the pediatrician. He recommends putting food on his plate and not allowing him other things until he eats what I give him. No snacks or anything else. Well, I did not agree with that of course so I deal with a picky eater, but I wont starve him either.

Maybe I can relate this to food.....LOL I constantly read recipes on line and in books. I never follow them exactly this is probably the reason I cant bake cakes and bread because you have to follow the recipe exactly. But with food recipes I adjust them to my liking or to who I am cooking for. If there is an ingredient that I do not like, I replace it with something comparable. If it does not come out right, I try it again. Just like in life keep trying until you get to where you want to be. I keep testing dishes and recipes until I get them where I want them to be. I have had some epic fails and great successes. I will continue to do my best at everything that I do.  I will be student my whole life, there is always something to learn from something or someone else. Its never too late to fulfill your dreams and live the life you deserve.

I wont have any meals posted today, but I will tomorrow. Have a great Saturday everyone.